i thought i would have a lot more freedom when i started high school, but being in foster care sorta ruined that. Freshman year was started in foster care, the year i first fell in love, the year i was all alone with my family problems, the year everything changed. That summer is when i met Depression, lies grew bigger than any i have ever met, Cheating came into my life.. along with being in foster care. Sophomore year was started in foster care, Heartbreak, Confusing, I was just trying to find myself in this big 'ol world. Everything got a little harder that year. That summer i was back home with my mother, my brother wasn't so i was kind of sad. i got my license and was parting all night and sleeping all day. i became a rebel! I didn't face my problems i drank them away. My mother never paid any attention to me, she never ever showed me that she cared. I felt like a stranger in my own home. My friends and brother were all i had. Alcohol became my best friend.. i found a new group of friends, which we had one thing in common.. Parties! i was happy some days, mostly depressed. With everything that had been going on in my life i needed an exit button, a pause button.. something to just slow everything down. let me catch up with it. Soon i just left my life paused so i could look back on everything i had missed with being in foster care. i wanted to work on getting my life straightened out. but how could i when i didnt' know who i was? when i looked in the mirror i didn't see myself, i seen some crazy girl. I don't want to put the blame all on my mother. she didn't make me drink, but she did neglect me and shut me out completely. I felt as if we were roommates who never spoke. I was definitely happier with living with strangers than my own mother. who i had missed so dearly. It became routine, wake up, shower, get all prettied up, meet up with the gang, go eat, and start the party. Come home about 5 or 6 o'clock and sleep until 2 in the after noons. This caught up with me though. one night i just had too much, paused out, got sick, don't know how i got where i was. lost my phone, 5 o'clock cam around i came home. Couldn't walk or get outta bed, when i tried i passed out and wasn't able to eat. When i finally came back to myself its like i woke up and wanted a new change in life, so i tried. Life without alcohol to me was like life without air to everyone else. i struggled. i had turned into something i never wanted to be, this was one of the lowest points in my life. I stopped and started to pray. I needed someone to do something about the way i was living and i turned to the one person who wouldn't leave my side...JESUS CHRIST! he helped me through this struggle! Can i get an amen> AMAN! I am still struggling but its not as bad as it was this past summer. Junior year was started sadly in foster care, i am currently working on returning home here soon! The good news is i have been completely sober for about 2 or 3 weeks. I did have a small beer but it was only a half of one and i didn't enjoy it like i used too (= which is wonderful news. Keep me in thoughts and prayers please! Questions? Comments? Comment below (:
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