Don't Judge.

i thought i would have a lot more freedom when i started high school, but being in foster care sorta ruined that. Freshman year was started in foster care, the year i first fell in love, the year i was all alone with my family problems, the year everything changed. That summer is when i met Depression, lies grew bigger than any i have ever met, Cheating came into my life.. along with being in foster care. Sophomore year was started in foster care, Heartbreak, Confusing, I was just trying to find myself in this big 'ol world. Everything got a little harder that year. That summer i was back home with my mother, my brother wasn't so i was kind of sad. i got my license and was parting all night and sleeping all day. i became a rebel! I didn't face my problems i drank them away. My mother never paid any attention to me, she never ever showed me that she cared. I felt like a stranger in my own home. My friends and brother were all i had. Alcohol became my best friend.. i found a new group of friends, which we had one thing in common.. Parties! i was happy some days, mostly depressed. With everything that had been going on in my life i needed an exit button, a pause button.. something to just slow everything down. let me catch up with it. Soon i just left my life paused so i could look back on everything i had missed with being in foster care. i wanted to work on getting my life straightened out. but how could i when i didnt' know who i was? when i looked in the mirror i didn't see myself, i seen some crazy girl. I don't want to put the blame all on my mother. she didn't make me drink, but she did neglect me and shut me out completely. I felt as if we were roommates who never spoke. I was definitely happier with living with strangers than my own mother. who i had missed so dearly. It became routine, wake up, shower, get all prettied up, meet up with the gang, go eat, and start the party. Come home about 5 or 6 o'clock and sleep until 2 in the after noons. This caught up with me though. one night i just had too much, paused out, got sick, don't know how i got where i was. lost my phone, 5 o'clock cam around i came home. Couldn't walk or get outta bed, when i tried i passed out and wasn't able to eat. When i finally came back to myself its like i woke up and wanted a new change in life, so i tried. Life without alcohol to me was like life without air to everyone else. i struggled. i had turned into something i never wanted to be, this was one of the lowest points in my life. I stopped and started to pray. I needed someone to do something about the way i was living and i turned to the one person who wouldn't leave my side...JESUS CHRIST! he helped me through this struggle! Can i get an amen> AMAN! I am still struggling but its not as bad as it was this past summer. Junior year was started sadly in foster care, i am currently working on returning home here soon! The good news is i have been completely sober for about 2 or 3 weeks. I did have a small beer but it was only a half of one and i didn't enjoy it like i used too (= which is wonderful news. Keep me in thoughts and prayers please! Questions? Comments? Comment below (:

A bond no one will ever break !

Growing up with you by my side was always the best part. I never thought you would become my best friend. While we grew up i noticed that I was doing things my mother should have been doing.. Taking care of my little brother, cooking dinner for us both. Making sure all homework and everything was finished before shower time. Getting us both ready for school, getting us both up and ready for the bus. I shouldn't be taking care of my little brother, and my mother shouldn't be getting high. As this kept going on, i didn't realize how damaging it was to me, until i went to counseling. Who knew that at 14 years old you could be parenting your younger brother? I was attached to him as if he was my own, i was the one in charge, i had to make sure he was getting everything he needed. I felt as if i could take care of myself and him. As you see, this is a terrible problem for a 14 year old girl to be going through. When we got torn apart i thought my life was over, literally! Panic attacks, freak outs, break out in tears. This lasted about two weeks. We were split up for about 3 or 4 months, until i moved in with his foster parents. Where everything seemed to be better having my little brother back in my life! Everything he does is a huge part of my life. He is in love with football and i am so proud of him. Everything we have been through he takes all his anger, sadness, happiness out on the field. He is the best football star i have seen yet! I love him to the moon and back, and although this is still a struggle to me, i am doing much better. He's not only my little brother, but he is my best friend.. id be lost without him by my side. I love you Joshua!! <3